Thursday, 4 February 2016

Mental Battle

Last night I worked out that I have been struggling with my weight for about 25 years now. This dates back to when I joined Weightwatchers the first time because I felt a bit chubby. I lost a stone and a half and came close to developing bulimia. After that I swung the other way and developed a chocolate binge eating habit. There have been good periods of time for my weight. Yoga, exercise and sensible eating helped me slim down after having my first child but I don't seem to be able to achieve any consistency.

The real downward slide into obesity for me started probably ten years ago. I'd had a traumatic time. I had my second child, my Dad died and then I found out my husband was having an affair and had basically been screwing around the whole time we were married. He walked out when our youngest daughter was 3 months old. Initially I lost a lot of weight through stress and then my mum died 2 years later. I had no family support and an ex husband who thinks that financial support is enough. I couldn't turn to anyone for help so increasingly I turned to food. It didn't help that my youngest daughter has special educational needs so I also had to take on the stress of fighting for extra help for her.

So I have come to the conclusion than fighting battles on so many fronts and even just fighting the daily battle of being a single mum meant that I just didn't have the strength to fight the mental battle against overeating. I didn't have many things to comfort me but food was always there. Last year it reached a climax. My finances got into a terrible state and I had little spare money so I bought food for the kids and really cheap rubbish for me. I can remember thinking to myself that eating this stuff is probably killing me and not particularly caring at the time. Fat was also something to hide behind in some ways.

So why am I fighting the mental battle about overeating now? It's a little bit of a case of now or never. I hit 50 next year, a milestone age. My mum had breast cancer in her 50s and the risk of that is made higher by obesity. Also I want to feel like me again. I haven't felt like me for such a long time. Not Mum, but Erica.

So I am trying to arm myself properly for the mental battle and writing in this blog is one of my weapons. I had a bad week last week and might have given up in the past but I didn't this time and that small achievement is also a weapon. My St Johns Wort is another weapon. So I'm armed and ready. My mental battle against food and overeating may last the rest of my life but I feel that I am finally in a position to carry on fighting.

Sorry for such a long winded and slightly depressing post but I wanted to firstly tell you a little more of my background and secondly just explain how important I think that your mental state is when you try to lose weight. Maintain the right mindset and I think the battle is half won. Good luck and keep fighting! Speak to you soon.

Love Erica xxx


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